Got into a really good conversation on marital submission on Facebook. Great comments and some honest penetrating questions. I know that when we get into such discussions, the conversation can get a little testy, and the inclination is often to gravitate towards being “nice”, to ameliorate the tone. But I’m not at all convinced that nice is always helpful when we’re dealing with subjects that only exist because of our hard-heartedness in the first place. So with that in mind, allow me to give some blunt news for both sexes. Ladies first!

Wives, submission to your husband is only necessary because of Eve’s sin; it was never required of humanity to submit to other humans before sin entered the picture, nor do requirements of this type seem to apply to societal or governmental leadership (Judges 4:4), spiritual giftedness (Acts 2), or spiritual effectiveness, but because of the nature OF that sin, it does exist within the marriage relationship. Since leadership in the Church is an outgrowth of one’s leadership in the home (1Tim. 3:5), it also affects us there too. In 1Tim. 2:11-15 (a very difficult passage to swallow I know), Paul twice refers back to Gen. 3 regarding both the order of creation, as well as Eve’s submission as a consequence of her sin. It is then, of course, only natural that women should want to be free from that consequence, but here’s the problem – what would a woman say (even in the age of grace) about a man who didn’t want to work because it was Adam’s punishment for sin, and since we’re under Christ now, he shouldn’t have to? We recognize that sin is defeated, but not disposed of (Romans 8:23), and as we humble ourselves under the Word of God, even when it’s difficult, we declare our trust in Christ that He will bring all things to perfection, just as He said He would, and that we don’t have to make it happen by our own efforts. Another difficult passage (1Cor. 7:1), where Paul seems to say that men are better off without a woman, is difficult to receive because we’re viewing it through a 21st century lens. But it’s much easier to understand when you recognize that Christians were facing daily persecution (as Paul refers to in v. 26), which would have placed their wives in grave danger regularly. Having to be concerned for a wife (think Peter watching his wife being crucified!) certainly makes following Christ more difficult. On the other hand place yourself in the mid 1st century and recognize how radical it was that Paul was suggesting that men and women are sexual equals in marriage, and that the “husband’s body belongs to his wife”, as he states just a few verses later. Paul was no misogynist, but he didn’t allow (as was often the case) the difficulty of what he was teaching to dictate whether he would teach it or not. Let me speak a little tough truth here. Peter later would refer to Paul’s teachings as being distorted by “ignorant and unstable” people (2Peter 3:16), and that’s no different now. Many would get around the tough pills of scripture by dismissing or labeling the writer. But what does that say about the inspiration of scripture? Are we really ready to say that God allowed error into the Word, or that He made a poor choice in selecting Paul as an author? Let’s be honest, people who do that are simply trying to blame God, but with plausible deniability (“I’m not mad at YOU God”, it’s that idiot Paul!”). Just be careful, because what if God really meant what He said? See what happens? It brings us right back to the old “Did God really say” temptation, which is precisely what got us into this mess in the first place. We know that strategy worked well with Eve – do you think Satan hung it up after that incident? Look, we know in Heaven there will be no gender issues, but let’s not commit the sin of Abram (Gen. 16) and try to help God do what He already said He would do. It’s our own problem and our own fault that there are such problems here on earth (not Paul’s and not God’s), but persevering under them in faith is a sign of our trust in Christ. It’s not about what we get on earth (see my last blog entry), it’s about what God’s doing to prepare us for eternity, and submission is a part of that process.

Men… time to put on your big boy undies and admit that the sin problem exists because we abdicated our positional role in the first place. Adam was not “covering” his wife and protecting her, nor was he standing between her and the devil, as he should have been. Not much has changed to be perfectly honest. We men still want the benefits of the position, without the spiritual responsibility and accountability that goes along with it. I have never met a woman, no matter how “liberated”, or “feminist”, who has ever said to me, “My husband wakes the family up for church on Sundays, prays with and for his children, sacrifices and models submission in his home, never yells at me or demands his own way; and I can’t stand it!”. In reality men fall back on positional authority because we’re afraid of being exposed as not having developed true spiritual authority. We’ll bellyache and complain that our wives won’t submit, but it’s generally because we’re being lousy, lazy leaders, who want a wife who will perfectly model Eph. 5:22,23, while we as men conveniently ignore the verse that precedes the instructions to BOTH husbands and wives – “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21); to say nothing of that whole loving our wives sacrificially thing. Oh, and while I’m at it, the next guy who whines that his wife won’t submit to him while he’s playing games with impurity in his own life gets my “Dork of the Year” award. Eph. 5:26,27 says that husbands are to love their wives in such a way that he is “cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her…, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” If we’re not modeling purity and righteousness as men in our homes and lives, knowing and living the Word, loving sacrificially, and teaching submission by modeling it first, we’re almost certainly bringing the problem on ourselves. If you’ve been married any length of time, your spouse is to a large degree a product of the person she’s married to. No man, in any position, should ever require someone to follow, before they’ve clearly modeled requirements of the position for them. That’s true in the military, the workplace, and certainly in the home. If you want to lead, then truly lead, but don’t disqualify yourself from being a leader, and then object that you’re not being followed.

O.k., am I right or off base here? How do you see it? Please no knee-jerk “You don’t know my situation” responses. If the truth has been distorted, let me know where – just not why you’re the exception to it.

Dave